Keeping it real

I feel like it's really easy on a blog to project that your life is wonderful and you're an amazing person. I know I pretty much avoid reporting anything negative about myself!

But I want to keep it real.

So here are somethings about myself that i'm not so proud of.

# I'm impatient
Often I may not seem outwardly annoyed or frustrated, but inside, I could be feeling those things. I avoid conflict by storing up the things that annoy me instead of communicating them. This frustrates me. Tonight I hinted to my housemate we needed to wash up (so bad that we'd run out of forks), and I was standing at the sink washing up loads of cutlery getting frustrated that she hadn't joined me to help. The fact that she'd only just got home and had dinner and was exhausted after a 10 hour day didn't enter my head until it was too late. When I realised I was getting frustrated over something so small I reminded myself of these things and took a deep breath. Within seconds she was in the room drying up. Man I hate myself sometimes!

# I'm envious
I'm really not proud of this. And it's not that my entire life is envy, but I know that I often dream of being more stylish, or owning cooler things, or being more creative, or being better at this or that. Of course this just means I end up dissatisfied with myself and the things around me, which isn't good on any level.

Even tonight, I've been reading some amazing indie art and craft blogs (as found on http://www.indie.com.au/), and I can't help but wish I were more creative and oozed cool like the people who sell kitschy stuff at the markets in Fitzroy. It's just silly and not worth pining after.

# I'm stubborn
I have things I like, and things I don't like, and I try to get my way most of the time. If someone disagrees with me on something, I'll argue my case till the cows come home, usually in a very ungracious manner. Sometimes, if I realise what I'm doing, I'll swallow my words and slump back in my chair and eat some humble pie (hah mixing lots of metaphors). But generally, I like to be right, and encourage others to agree with me on things.

# I'm prone to forgetting the needs of others
I wish I was one of those people who was keenly aware of others' needs and really good at loving them. I can sometimes perceive people's emotions, but ususally don't fully empathise. And most often, I completely fail to see the practical way I can help them (eg. asking them how they are/having a cup of tea with them etc), until it's too late and I'm too embarrassed to offer. I feel like I missed the 'caring' gene! I have some friends who are amazing care givers and I hope I will grow to be more like them.

I know there are heaps more, but that'll do for now. I'm already feeling sick at the thought of these four failures...

but I want to keep it real. So there you go.