blah blah blah

So I've been single now for just over two years... (eeek scary) and generally speaking, it's not something that plagues my mind. But I have to admit it's often a challenge to see the positives of singleness.

So many of my friends are single - in fact the great majority are single - never had a boyfriend - type of single. Which makes me feel like such a whinger if I complain about my own two year man drought. But it's hard to not feel slightly despondent, because my friends are awesome, and it's suprises me they're single.

Still, I kind of like the fact most of my friends are single. I notice that when people get married, they often go through a phase of not socialising as regularly because they're exhausted (there are other reasons i'm sure, but i wouldn't know, i'm not married!) and they generally prefer to hang out with other couples (probably due to the whole - he has someone to talk to, so do I thing - and just being at a different stage of life... but once again, please correct me if I'm wrong), leaving their single friends to fend for themselves. I know this may be an unfair generalisation, but I reckon it's 80 % true.

So I'm glad I have a lot of single friends. However it scares me thinking about my future. If I remain single for a long time, and my friends get married, questions like:who will I live with? My cats? become quite disturbing...

But, as I'm only 22, and as relationships are messy and tiring and not the shiny glossy things movies tell us they are, I'm not too worried. Besides, the last two years have been a great lesson in contentment. I'm still learning each day to avoid comparing my situation to others and embrace the ways I'm growing, and being useful with so much time and relational energy on my hands. Maybe there's another two years of this and, maybe I'll be ok with it.

Three more days

Holidays are almost over, but still there are 3 days to use wisely.

Plans so far:

Clean. Not the most exciting of holiday plans, but our apartment is so messy! Jo is away this week, so I will attempt to clean all my belongings up, this will take a whole day I'm sure.

Make a slow-cooked beef casserole. My first attempt. In between cleaning.

Go to the NSW Art Gallery - to see the Taisho Chic and Biennale exhibitions. Looking forward to this!

Not sure of what to do with the other day... It's nice to have so much choice!

Breakfast

I just love going out for breakfast. I think it's partly because it was always so special as a kid when mum got out the fry pan and cooked a proper brekky.

A couple of months ago, my uni friends introduced me to my new local cafe - Big Brekky - on Stanmore Rd, and it was incredible. I've been lusting after the food there ever since.

So, because it's holidays, Jo and I went down to Big Brekky this morning for a treat. I ordered the Nim's eggs (same as last time) and Jo the eggs benedict.

Nim is the owner of the restaurant, and her signature dish is two poached eggs, bacon, home made pesto and a lucious banana chutney on your choice of bread. And boy - does it hit the spot! I had it on rye bread this morning, and it was amazing! The mixture of sweet and savoury with the banana combo is just awesome. Jo's benedict looked good - ham straight off the bone, with a beautiful hollandaise.

They also do good coffee.

So next time you're in the 'Sham, check it out, opposite Petersham Evening Church on Stanmore Rd.

The G word

A letter arrives in the mail. Your friend's mum has sent you a card with great encouraging words written inside... and a cheque - a birthday present (although your birthday was in February), so that you will spend it on something you really want. The thoughtfulness of this overwhelms you - you are truly greatful for this person and their concern for you.

But creeping up inside of you is the G-word:

Guilt.

This happened a couple of weeks ago. When I opened the card I started crying, because it was so thoughtful. Not the cheque, just the card and the words inside. But then there was this cheque. Words started rushing out of my mouth "But I don't deserve this!..." My housemate who also received a cheque and card from the same person said "No, we don't deserve it - she didn't have to do this at all, but she did and we should be thankful."

I was kind of surprised - I thought everyone felt guilty when people were generous to them. But Jo could see it was a gift. My brain was stuck on the injustice of the situation - I didn't deserve it - I hadn't done anything for the person who had sent the card!

The card situation is just a little example of how my brain warps stuff all the time, and gets taken captive by guilt. And this isn't good guilt.

I do believe there is good guilt - guilt for wronging someone - for ignoring them, hurting them. Guilt that is a natural result of being a human capable of unspeakable things. But there is also bad guilt - guilt related to pleasing people, maintaining one's reputation and feeling a failure for stupid reasons.

I really struggle with 'bad guilt'. Particularly in the last couple of years I've noticed the thing that really gets me worked up to the point of tears is when I have to try and make "the right decision" but the only motivation I feel is guilt. It's not good guilt, it's burdensome guilt that controls my emotions and decision-making process. It's the kind of guilt I'd feel if two people asked me out on a Saturday night and I had to choose between them - silly guilt!, but silly guilt that is repeated over and over again in my day to day life.

I'd much rather my decisions be governed by positive motivation. And it just cripples me, and it is so symptomatic of my disproportionate view of things.

I read a great book this year called "When people are big and God is small". It's about how our human tendency to do things to please others so as to avoid rejection, shame and pain means we become controlled by them and depend on them instead of God. I know it sounds like a lame self-help book, but it's actually really inspired me to have a right view of people, and most importantly of God. He is the one I should be revering, loving, living for.

Won't Get Fooled Again

My housemate Jo and I are Who fiends.

The band The Who, that is. It's our favourite washing up music and we have two live Who DVDs. Why, hello Roger Daltry!

But what struck us today is that Kevin Rudd is proving himself to be a perfect study of the song "Won't Get Fooled Again" in action..

There's nothing in the street
Looks any different to me
And the slogans are replaced, by-the-bye
And the parting on the left
Is now the parting on the right
And the beards have all grown longer overnight

I'll tip my hat to the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around me
Pick up my guitar and play
Just like yesterday
Then I'll get on my knees and pray
We don't get fooled again
Don't get fooled again
No, no!

Meet the new boss
Same as the old boss

Well I'll be darned

I haven't coloured my hair in about two years, but when i walked past a hairdresser offering half price foils, I thought hmm maybe a nice thing to do while I'm trying to grow my hair out. Makes the process less painful (I hate the in-between phase).

So because today's my rest day, I went and had a half-head of foils done. At the end of the ordeal (I got a cricked neck from reading during foil application!), I went to the counter and the guy charged me more than the advertised price.

When I asked him why, he said the advertised prices were for "short hair only". Call me stupid, but I thought I had short hair. He said "no, yours is medium". I swear if I went and did a straw poll of people on the street, they'd say five/six inches of hair is short, not medium.

So I laughed and said "That's the first time I've ever been told I have medium hair!", knowing I'd not win this battle, and paid.

Maybe growing my hair out was a bad idea!

Peter Combe

I've just spent the last 5mins on Peter Combe's myspace page listening to classics like "Juicy Juicy Green Grass" and "Newspaper Mama"...

Ahhhh the memories.

I'm thinking about buying my housemate tickets to his upcoming show for her birthday. Hmmmm it could be bad if he plays songs we don't know. Also I know she really wants other things, boring things like DVDs, but I'd rather get her something unexpected.. like tickets to Peter Combe!

Holidays

Next week I'm going to spend time at my uncle's beach house, reading, knitting, watching the waves, going for walks on the beach and generally relaxing. I can't wait!

Over the weekend I think I might drive to Orange for a couple of days to visit friends and go to my old church. I'm also looking forward to that, but wondering if I've lost my tolerance for the freezing cold climate! Also feel slightly uncertain about what visiting the radio station will feel like now that there have been a few staff changes and I'm a 'has-been'... still, I think it'll be worth it.

mmmm holidays. Any suggestions for what else to do while at the beach?

Wind

It was pretty cold today, I brought the heater up last night and used it for the first time this year. Definitely makes a difference to our little apartment.

It's funny it's been raining for so long, I was quite shocked yesterday by the bursts of light every few minutes when the sun popped out from behind the clouds. But perhaps what I like even more than the sun or rain, is the wind. I've decided it's a real enhancement to the weather experience.

I just really like the feeling of wind, and the beautiful noise it makes dodging trees and houses, streets and plains. My favourite weather is stormy, closely followed by a nice 22 - 24 degrees, sunshine and wind.

The wind cannot be ignored. I like that about it.

Reminiscing

Does anyone else remember these kids things from the 80s/90s?

The Berenstein Bears



It was a cartoon and story books about a family of bears that got into all sorts of capers. American, of course.

The Garbage Gang Kids



These we used to buy as collectors cards with bubble gum whenever we went to Richmond. We visited Richmond about once a year to visit my Grandfather's grave, weird connection to collector cards I know, but these things are totally connected in my memory - garbage gang cards, Richmond and Jim's grave. My brother and I would spend the car trip home eating way too much chewing gum and trading cards.

They depict a really weird collection of 'babies' or 'kids', a parody of cabbage patch kids, with names that are either gross or offensive. I think we liked them because they had a slightly naughty element. Not sure how/why mum and dad let us buy them. I think perhaps my grandma gave us both $2 and that's what we used to spend it on! I've never met anyone who remembers the Garbage Gang Kids (released in the UK as the Garbage Pail Kids). It was also turned into a movie, which I think Andrew and I saw.

Puddle Lane



A cute kids show about a wizard and his dragon friend. They tell stories and sing songs. I remember thinking it was so lifelike. I've since downloaded some clips on You Tube and it's all so amateur! But I can see the appeal, it's so cute and transports you to another world.

A little town called Berrima

Over the long weekend I indulged my small town voyeuristic tendencies. On Saturday, uni friends and assorted others went to Berrima (Southern Highlands) for rabbit pie, antique shop gawking and devonshire tea. On Monday Veronica and I had a picnic at her grandfather's derolict cottage on Mount Tomah and then went for a brief (! though I almost died) bushwalk followed by another round of devonshire tea.

You'll have to wait for the photos of the mountains... I have some lovely shots of the cottage and surrounds...

but here are some of the Berrima trip.

At the Magpie Cafe:



Lucy outside "The Art of Bookbinding"...



Heather and Anita on the way to "Village Antiques"



The beautiful alpaca..



Some antiques...



Ash and Heather at the Cafe

Semester wind-down

It's the last week of the uni semester, and because I work primarily at uni, this means my life will go into slo-mo next week for two months. Hopefully it means I can catch up on some much needed admin stuff and general preparation for things that usually end up too last minute.

It's been a very interesting semester - i've learnt a LOT. I came across things that I probably didn't imagine learning or having to struggle with, but I can attest it's a learning process that's more gain than pain :)

I've just started reading The Vivisector by Patrick White. I think my housemate's got money on me giving up before the half-way mark (it's 600-odd pages!). But I really want to try to finish it! I'm enjoying it so far. It's so cool to read a novel written in the 70s that mentions Newtown, Ashfield, Rushcutters Bay and Parramatta Road, and yet it's written by a Nobel Prize Winner! Us Aussies don't often get that far with our parochial references. I was inspired to pick up some PW after reading David Marr's article in the last Monthly magazine about his life. Marr wrote his biography, but recently some diary entries and manuscripts have been obtained by the National Library and Marr writes reflecting on the findings.

Will let you know how I go!

The Unsung Hero of the Biscuit World

It needs to be said that Venetians are the dark horse of the Arnotts set.



Can anyone back me up here?

I grew up on them, but I know many an uneducated person who hasn't tried one.

According to the Arnotts website: Venetians are a sophisticated biscuit, with an interesting and delicate taste. Specially designed to melt in your mouth, the biscuit base is rich in currants, giving it a fruity edge. The soft white icing has a delicious vanilla and coconut flavour.

See, sophisticated. Y'all go out there and try one.